i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
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