She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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