I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
