Can i not drive my cunt home
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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