nutella sex= disaster
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
