her vagine was all disorganized.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
