he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
