dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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