I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Come see our sink grown plant.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
