I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
