Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Randomize
