I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
