Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
You're like the curious george of whores
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
