i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
