I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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