Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
