Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
