I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
