Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
