just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
