Pregnant stripper...not hot.
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
