I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
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