Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I feel like a drive thru vagina
They are going to name an STD after you.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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