she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
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