when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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