I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
