apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Randomize
