i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
