I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
