I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
