Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
