Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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