I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize
