You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
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