I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
