but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
