We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
