Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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