Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
