I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
