oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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