And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Randomize
