why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Randomize
