Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Barsexuality is the new black.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
