He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
