Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
