You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
