You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
