I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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