Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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