Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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