I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
